Many people have asked me -- "How did you choose the title of your book?" In truth, the title came first, and then the stories found their way to me.
"Will you be with me forever?" That was the last question my son, Migi asked me before he was wheeled into the operating room that morning in May 1998. I did not make much of his question at the time. The moment remains so vivid because it was the last time I would ever see him awake. He had asked me through sobs and I replied, yes, I would be there, all the way to forever.
Tonight I keep that promise I made to him 13 years ago...
This research and this book, and all the work that I have done over the last thirteen years in the field of children's health advocacy, grief education and counseling, have all been in response to that promise that I made to my son that morning in May.
There is a line from the poignany Tagalog hymn written by Fr. Manoling Francisco, "Hindi Kita Malilimutan (I will not forget you)" that goes: "Malilimutan ba ng ina, ang anak na galing sa kaniya?" Inspired by the Bible passage from Isaiah 49:15, it asks, "Can a mother ever forget her child?" And in the same breath, it reminds us that no matter what happens, God does not forget us either. And that has been the running theme of my grief story these past thirteen years -- how through the many ups and downs, the hills and valleys of my grief journey, there is not a single day that I have not thought about my Migi. In the same manner, I know all throughout each day of those thirteen years, God has not forgotten me.
But this journey is not mine alone. It also belongs to all the mothers who took the journey with me in writing this book over the las two and a half years. To be honest, the book had been germinating in my head a year after Migi died, but everything in His time. I cannot imagine how I could have written this book five years ago. In the waiting, God brought me everything I needed to complete the task. Like Karina said earlier, many bonds and friendships were formed in the writing of this book. The thread that binds all mothers, no matter the age, the special thread that binds all mothers who have lost sons or daughters.
The journey belongs to Tita Alice Honasan and her beloved Mel, to Tita Thelma Arceo and brave Ferdie -- bright young men at the prime of their young lives who died for what they passionately believed in.
This too is the journey of of Chiqui Mathay and her Anthony; of Noemi Dado's Luijoe, Monique Eugenio's Franco and Aileen Jiao's Nina. Very young children who left this world so suddenly.
Then there is Mano Morales' Nico, Isabel Valles' Mikel, Joann de Larrazabal's Mikey and Raciel Carlos' Joey -- young men who left their mothers in shock by their sudden departures. Out of their loss, their mothers found new selves, and the motivation to reach out to others who had lost sons and daughters in the same way.
Lissa Moran's Isabel, and Trixie Cruz's Becca -- little angels, who stayed on earth for such a short time. In their leaving, their mothers eventually found new purpose and meaning, and the drive to set up their own personal advocacies.
Beth Adan's Herbert, Tita Fe Montano's Star, and Tita Baby's Carissa -- young adults who had to leave this world early in life.
And then there is Alma Miclat's Maningning, and Vivian dela Pena's Caleb who found the world too painful for them, they opted to leave this life ahead of their parents. Alma and Vivian are two of the bravest women I know, Maningning and Caleb would be so proud of their mothers faith and resilience.
I am grateful too for Albert de Larrazabal who shared his heart, writing about his feelings on losing a much beloved and only son. For Alya Honasan and her poignant memories of Mel, for Fr. Manoling whose comforting words are a soothing balm for every parent whose child opted to end his or her life, and for Trixie who graciously shared her legal expertise on what parents whose children died from accidents or homicide need to prepare and look out for.
Through our collective stories, we hope to have built a roadmap for mothers and families who are new on the journey, and even for those who have been on it for many years but have found great difficulty in finding their way. My prayer is that they find peace, through our broken pieces.
And because it is a night for mothers, I wish to make special mention of four special ones whose presence in my life made this journey so much more meaningful and bearable. My publisher, Karina Bolasco for her faith in publishing books that tackle difficult topics. My editor and dear friend, Mei-ling Sicam who made my words sound so much better. Tita Honey Carandang, who is like my second mom, thank you very much for being in my life these last few years. And my mother, who taught me courage and resilience and all that I need to know about mothering well. I love you, mom.
The video at the end of my talk was put together by three important women in my life -- the music and lyrics of "Between Loss and Forever" was created by my dearest friend, Marisa Marin, the song, sung so beautifully by Banaue Miclat whose sister, Maningning is in the book; and the video so lovingly put together by Migi's sister, my only daughter, Pia.
Last night, on my way home from work, my car was right outside Villamor base when the C-130 landed bearing the bodies of 19 brave, young men who died fighting for what they believed in. I think of them tonight, as I think of all their 19 mothers who now find themselves on the threshold of this journey that I and the 18 other mothers in this book began at different points in our lives. I hope that in some way, someday, this book will find their way to them, and that they find the comfort and hope in our struggles, as they begin to start their own difficult journeys.
I wish to end this by quoting Thich Nhat Hahn who wrote -- "The best that we can do for those who have died s to live in such a way that they continue, beautifully in us." This, I believe is what all the mothers in this book have done, or are trying to do. It is an ideal that anyone who has ever lost a loved one must aspire to live by.
And so as we rejoice in our sorrows, and continue to miss our children, we thank the Lord above for the cracks in our lives, for it is through the cracks that His light gets in. And flawed though our lives may be, we are all better and brighter under the light of His amazing grace. Thank you very much!
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